husband doesn t want to go on family vacation10 marca 2023
My associatons annual conference rotates between about six places, and even in big cities like Chicago and Philly we need to use three nearby hotels to have enough meeting rooms and hotel rooms. Other National Geographic Family Journeys from G Adventures include bucket-list family vacation destinations like Iceland, Japan, South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Morocco, and Vietnam. While she comes back with great stories of what she saw people doing, shes never felt in danger or anything like that. But he needs to sit down, fix a drink (I prefer Earl Grey, YMMV), and look at his actions and the state of his marriage. Spouses dont LET. There are times when I feel safer in Vegas than I do my own city. But you dont get to be irrational all over someone else without consequence. Anyway, TL;DR, there can be hope for these situations, despite what the commentariat here may imply. And my husband has two business trips of at least four days each in the next two months and Im rather thrilled. At that time, she was eating about every 3-4 hours. Vegas isnt a magical dimension. I dont think its all that misogynistic cheating isnt the only thing hes worried about. Just live in an exurb of a big city rather than a small town), they find this baffling. Its not a geographic nexus of evil or on a Hellmouth or anything, cmon! Armchair diagnosis of either is not useful, but it doesnt hurt to remind people of possible things to consider. It doesnt sound as though shes given him any reason to be so insecure. I dont understand giving up agency as an adult just because I got married. OP, I saw one of your responses saying your husband is otherwise kind. Whether hes choosing them consciously or not, hes certainly trying to use them as a weapon to manipulate his wife into doing what he wants. Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. Then they can work together to find a way to work with his fears, like maybe she checks in with him a few times a day at certain times. Not everything is OMG READ GIFT OF FEAR!!! The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. It seems a loving husband would have found a way for his wife to attend her best friends wedding. Thank you, other wise my husband is very supportive. She visited exactly once, got off in a suburb where the homes start at 300K and started screaming about getting shot at. I dont think its either/or, necessarily. I didnt hear that there were kids. Grownups dont treat other grownups like this unless they are fundamentally abusive. And here we are, reading a letter from a woman concerned that her career will destroy her marriage because everyone told her husband so. Oh, god, me too! I agree with Allison though, this is a situation that requires some heavy duty marriage counseling no matter what. Or that he heard more agreement than was really being given by his friends? We were in that stage of "dating" where we wanted to do everything together, only he didn't fly and didn't really enjoy travel. I dont even know what city he is in sometimes just because he will tell me about five trips at once and I cannot remember which is what week. It has helped me also to understand where that response came from not just the ex baggage, but early childhood experiences damaged his basic trust, which he is working on. In addition to bolstering his position in our argument it had the nice (for him) side effect of alienating me from all of my friends who I believed were talking crap about me behind my back. Its not legal in Las Vegas, although theres probably a lot of escort services, youre probably thinking of Reno, where they have legal brothels that have to follow a ton of regulations. Counseling perhaps. Its definitely a huge red flag that your husband takes a winky tongue-in-cheek ad campaign that seriously. So Vegas actually *is* pretty scandalous to a *lot* of people. If you have time to arrange a therapist, try to meet with several and then pick the one that is the best fit. Counseling is legit, or ask him to come along. Shopping! Food! And in 2 days Im heading east solo for a wedding. Yes, this. I could understand some concern about being on a business trip to an unfamiliar (at least somewhat) city but this sounds over the top. Or leave? Whoops, tried to highlight he says and stumbled into some html. Next, things you can do. I had to go to Vegas once a year for a few days at my last job and I hated it. Or the students who rejected their rejection letters when I worked in college admissions. my boss told me not to give greeting cards to older men because it could seem sexual, my coworker's husband is texting me and blaming me for their divorce, https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html, my manager and coworker are secretly dating, boss will never give exceeds expectations because he has high standards, and more, update: I supervise a manager who falsified an employee write-up but I dont think she should be fired, stolen sandwiches, disgusting fridges, dish-washing drama: lets talk about office kitchen mayhem, interviewer scolded me for my outfit, job requires an oath of allegiance, and more, update: a DNA test revealed the CEO is my half brother and hes freaking out, my entry-level employee gave me a bunch of off-base criticism. Why would you visit Vegas when you live in NOLA, unless it was for work. She comes back with cool stories and we have something to talk about besides work and whats for dinner. Vegas! I also had this thought. And he needs to understand that his fears are his to manage, no matter where they are coming from. Last I time I checked 2017 hadnt fully turned into The Handmaids Tale and women were allowed to travel for work without permission from their husband. Yes, you can absolutely get yourself in serious trouble in Vegas but you can also have the most dull weekend imaginable. One of my favorite Dan Savage letters was about whether they were broken up (his former girlfriends opinion) or not broken up (his preference, because it would mean he had to start dating again and who wants that bother?). I dont know, I think you are underestimating how the Internet has magnified the echo chamber effect. Sorry, that isnt useful. Captain Awkward is amazing when answering questions about control, manipulation, and gaslighting. This isnt about whether or not the thing Im about to do is dangerousit is about her desire to control what I do. I agree with you on the personal deal-breakers, but thats not the discourse thats going on here at the moment. Either his friends are also super controlling and/or prone to irrational fears or he totally fabricated the story about asking if other people would let their wives go to Las Vegas for work. Everyone else said she deserved it! Whats wrong with disembark? But its a pretty serious one-off. I have to comment on this one. Okay. I dont know that I am articulating this as succinctly as I could be, but I hope you know where Im coming from. And there, the answer is clear: you have to go. But I loved him, and thought accepting his proposal would reassure him of my love and commitment. Seriously, I grew up in Las Vegas. My own brain is like that. Yeah, I sometimes hear about people who really want a job with a lot of work travel, or people who think being a flight attendant would be really glamorous, and Im just like meh. Divorce is a valid option, if you choose to go down that road. Either way you are not out of line; your company is not out of line; your husband is out of line. Though those are also the traditional bogeymen for women out on their own, as evidenced by the many people talking about their mothers fears. I said this above, but I read this phrase as his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. But we should really just be taking OPs word for it that the issue she outlined is the issue there is. Never! I read letters like this, and I realize how fortunate both my husband and I are, because its got to be miserable to live with this level of mistrust and anxiety. But no gambling! I think its not up to any of us to determine what OPs husbands major glitch is. we can all agree that either way, Husband isnt likely to change his behaviour without some outside intervention, so I do hope that counselling is an option for them. If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag. I dont have anything else to add to what everyone else has said except that when youre there, I HIGHLY recommend going to Gordon Ramsays BURGR at the Planet Hollywood Hotel. Except he took a poll of his mom. And its great he enjoys the time alone, we get to talk about interesting stuff weve both done when I get back, we both get time to decompress in ways which benefit us the most. And honestly he would be the first to say that the breaks when Im away, and he can eat PBJ sandwiches for dinner, are refreshing for him too. Not sure which update youre looking atshe says she meant wouldnt in that sentence, which means exactly what Coffee Lover is saying. Out of curiosity do you know what the statistics in your area for domestic violence? But thats true everywhere, and you can easily avoid said trouble by, you know, not doing something stupid. Well, yeah, it has a bad rep, that they intentionally, though jokingly, promote with the What happens in Vegas and Sin City marketing campaigns. In fact, were you inclined to cheat, you might be more likely to do so in a boring place where theres much less to do (j/k, kinda). Thats worrying about what other people will do TO me. I agree. That hes asked several people for their opinion, and said opinions are I wouldnt let my spouse go to Vegas without me! I think this is a valid suspicion. Youre not choosing your career over your marriage when you take three days to sit in a conference hall, for chrissake. But if not, why would you stay with this. When I said but no one else called their boyfriends he then he shifted to well, if you want to have a relationship like THEIRS I think it doesnt take much poking at this topic to find out if your spouse is anxious or controlling. It is a huge trust issue. I was also married to this man. I think part of this relates back to a topic thats come up here before: people who dont travel for work think its fun but the people who do travel for work spend the whole time in meetings, seminars, conferences, and never get to explore whatever city theyre in. This is control issues and fear and jealousy and toxic masculinity, not a thing that needs compromising on or a relationship issue. My husband has been in counseling and on medication for his mental health. I know this is a long-shot, but anyone else think theres a real chance that this is the employee from this thread: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html? I came home to find my SO sitting on a bench, pissed and worried thought I should have called. He might have a collection of like-minded friends who really would agree with him.
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